The entire stupid play by play

Sent off the MLA abstract. Spent the next hour and a half composing a response to his email. Back on forth on how much to share, erred on the side of not a lot of detail. Too many flashbacks to a similar missive sent to J to little avail. Wondering how I can be so astonishingly deluded about the possibilities of my own life, even as I still think it could maybe be okay. Listening to Liz Phair because, of course. Steeling myself for the fellowship application and then grade papers; resisting the urge to curl up in bed for the rest of the day instead. Wishing I'd gone to the gym despite the weather, too late now. Hate this, hate this, hate this.