My favorite piece of gym equipment has always been the elliptical machine

Something unexpected (at least, to me) happened on Friday night. It's proved to be disruptive on a number of different levels, some of which are very vintage 2007, others of which threaten whatever semblance of balance I am occasionally able to attain in my life. It happened, as these things often do, with someone else, and in this case there are some complications related to that, too. (Though not the usual ones that I have--I know what you're thinking.) And for all these reasons--the sheer unexpectedness, the complications provided by the circumstances of how we met in the first place--I need this person to say, simply, "yes, that thing happened." That's all. But this confirmation has not yet occurred, and it's left me feeling epistemologically and phenomenologically abandoned at a time when things would be hard enough without it.

I wonder what it will take for me to feel safe in the world. I wonder what it can possibly mean to be gracious with these stories, to be gracious with myself.