Is it so unreasonable

...to want to be more than the thing that distracts you from all the other things in your life?

In two years of sleeping with various people, some of whom I liked very much, I never once had the kind of relationship where I could come to a party with a date. There was a little of this with The Professor, but it was always fraught, and a couple of other theatre dates where introductions had to be made, and some awkward run-ins. But nothing substantial. Nothing that would ever suggest that I was part of anyone's life.

And even with The Poet--perhaps the most loving man I've ever met--dealing with me crying on the phone over D. (so over, as of today, but I basically had to ask him straight out just to break up with me already), meeting me after class to bring me a couple of Xanax--as bad as things are with me, they're almost a welcome distraction from what he's going through in his real life.

It seems like such a simple thing. I guess I have to stop thinking of it that way. Because there's no such thing as a reasonable expectation, not in New York, probably not anywhere.